A Common Bond

Conference on Religious Trauma

While listening to the Thinking Atheist podcast I was made aware of an online conference on religious trauma. The conference is taking place online Oct. 20-22nd, 2023. The conference will be covering topics such as: child marriage, recovery from patriarchal mindset, navigating identity when leaving an ethno-religion, reclaiming 2SLGBTQ+ sexuality post Purity Culture, how beliefs are formed, and Purity Culture recovery. They will have speakers representing a variety of fundamentalist religious and cult backgrounds including Amish, Evangelical, Muslim, Hasidic Orthodox Judaism, and Children of God.

​You can register for the conference using this link.

Excerpts from Dr. Marlene Winell and the vision of the Conference on Religious Trauma:

There are widespread assumptions that religion in general is good or at least harmless. Yet people are seriously hurt by religious doctrines and practices every day. This has to end.

There is such a thing as religious trauma. Certain aspects of authoritarian religion cause harm that is physical, sexual, mental, and emotional.

While sounding the alarm about damaging religious teachings and practices, we also acknowledge healthy religion that supports positive human development. There are communities that avoid the worst of mythology, promote intrinsic human dignity, and take collective social action.

10th Annual Midwest Apostafest

TENTH ANNIVERSARY APOSTAFEST!!

As summertime approaches I am once again privileged to host the Midwest ApostaFest and invite all the heathens and apostates from across the fruited plains of America to join me in a celebration of our freedom from the petty religious cult of Jehovah’s Witnesses! Let’s make this year *HUGE* and keep it going another 10yrs! I’ve gotten to meet so many lovely people and each year it’s a blast!

Join me in this celebration on Saturday August 5th 2023 in Pleasant View, Indiana!

9th Annual Midwest ApostaFest

9th Annual Midwest Apostafest

From Ethan Hatcher and the Facebook event:

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 2022 AT 9:30 AM – 9:30 PM

Once again I am privileged to host the Midwest ApostaFest and invite all the heathen out apostates from across the fruited plains of America to join me in a celebration of our freedom from the tyranny of a petty religious cult! Join me in this celebration on Saturday August 6th in Pleasant View, Indiana!

8th Annual Midwest ApostaFest

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8th Annual Midwest ApostaFest

Saturday, August 7, 2021 at 9:30 AM CDT – 9:30 PM CDT

Here we are again, looking forward to another year of unholy revelry and bad associations spoiling useful habits! Despite the difficulties presented by the pandemic, we look forward to a more normal summer! Please put the ApostaFest on your calendars and make it out to Pleasant View, Indiana where we will look forward to hosting you all, Saturday August 7th, 2021!!! Since starting this annual cookout 8 years ago it has been our pleasure to meet Ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses from around the country!

Larry R. Kirkwood, January 25, 1974 - November 6, 2019

Top Row (L to R): Richard, Jimmy Bottom Row (L to R): Larry, Ryan (Myself), and J’son Location: New Orleans 2013

Top Row (L to R): Richard, Jimmy
Bottom Row (L to R): Larry, Ryan (Myself), and J’son
Location: New Orleans 2013

Earlier this month I found out that my friend Larry had passed away from cancer.

My first encounter with Larry was online in the ACB yahoo group. He was what I would call a pot stirrer. He liked to get people riled up and then watch what happened. I alternated from hating him to loving him, a person who I had never met.

We met for the first time at the NYC conference in 2006. I had quite the trip getting to the conference. I left my hotel and decided that I could walk thirty blocks to the GLBT center! On my way to the conference I was harassed by a homeless guy for money, I got lost, and I was going to meet an entire group of new people. When I made it upstairs Larry came up to me right away. Larry knew who I was and everything about me, but I had no clue who he was and he wasn’t giving me any clues. This was pre-facebook so I had no idea what Larry looked like. After a few more minutes of me being extremely uncomfortable Larry flashed that devilish grin and finally told me who he was.

After the NYC conference he recruited me to help plan the conference in Chicago. Chicago was a unique situation because the GLBT center was under construction and we were not sure that the building would be completed by the time of the conference. The building was finished just in time and the conference in Chicago was a huge success. Larry and I worked together for the next seven years planning ACB conferences.

Larry was never afraid of controversy. He always took the heat when we selected the next location of the conference. He was instrumental in financing, providing insurance, lowering the conference price, and keeping the conferences rolling. He helped myself and many others attend conferences. Whether it was sharing a hotel room, offering up a room in his house, or even sending some frequent flyer miles he wanted you at the conference. After working together for seven years we both had become burned out and stepped back from planning conferences. We had hoped that someone else would take the lead, but no one has yet.

At some point Larry and I had disconnected on facebook, and I had no idea that his cancer had gone terminal. My last text message to him was to let him know that I had to close the ACB checking account to keep the balance from going negative. His response was Okay, I understand. It seemed out of the ordinary and I wished that I would have called or texted him to find out what was going on. There is a deep sadness in my heart today. Larry was one of a kind he will be greatly missed. A copy of his obituary is below.

Larry Ray Kirkwood II was born on January 25, 1974 and passed away peacefully at home on November 6, 2019.

Larry Ray Kirkwood II is preceded in death by his father, Larry Ray Kirkwood I.

He is survived by his partner, Anton Khristyuk, of 16 years; Mother, Maribeth Kirkwood; Sister, Danna Kay Jackson (Spouse); by three nieces, one nephew; by his beloved pets, Saint, Chaandra, Spotifur, J.P., and Bobby.

He is also survived by numerous other loving family and friends that will miss him dearly.

Memorial Service was held at: 2615 Riverside Dr., Houston, Texas 77004

The 6th Annual Mid-West Aposta-Fest

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It's time to start making plans to attend the 6th Annual Midwest Aposta-Fest!

The first weekend in August is quickly approaching and we can't wait to have you all come join us! The Aposta-Fest truly is a special event. Come be among people who understand. It's wonderful coming together online, but a whole different experience is had when you can hear the voice of someone who shares something, see their tears, enjoy their smile, or feel their embrace.

One of greatest things about the Aposta-Fest is how each year the unique crowd brings its own flavor. Always fun and laid back, let's see how worldly this year's apostates can be.

This event is family friendly, so feel free to bring along your children. Food is pitch in style. The closer we get to the event we'll start a food thread. Please bring a chair or two if you are able. We are just south of Indy, so there are usually plenty of places to stay. We can start a lodging thread as well.

Can't wait to hang with all you lovely Apostates!

Jim Moon's 2019 Ex-JW BBQ (Reading, Pennsylvania)

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Updated 8/6/22:

Jim announced on 3/2/2020 - It is with much sadness that due to my worsening health and now living on a fixed income, Allan & I have discussed it and we will have to suspend the 4th of July BBQ until further notice. I will keep this page open https://www.facebook.com/groups/xjwbbq in case others want to have BBQs of their own and announce them here.

From the Facebook Event:

I was baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses on July 4th, 1975. Each year, as my way of celebrating my independence from the JWs, I hold a backyard barbecue at my house in rural eastern Pennsylvania (about 70 miles NW of Philadelphia). I've been doing this for several years and each year it keeps getting larger and larger. Last year, we had close to 100 people. That's OK -- we have a big house and an acre in the back yard. We have parking enough for quite a few cars. We almost ran out of places to park last year, but there's plenty of on-street parking about a block away, and getting a volunteer to shuttle them to our house won't be a problem.

A few weeks before the event, once you've indicated you want to come, I'll send you directions to the house, or how to program your GPS. If you need directions sooner than that, PM me and I'll send them to you right away. A lot of you have been here before and already know the way.

You're most welcome to bring something to the BBQ, but it's not necessary. If you do plan to bring something, I'd suggest posting what you're going to bring below so we don't have too many people bringing the same thing. Please keep in mind that your hosts (and a few of the guests) are in recovery, so please don't get carried away with the alcoholic beverages, and -- sorry -- this area of Pennsylvania is intolerant of illegal substances, so please keep those at home. We'd like the BBQ to go on for years to come and don't want it getting so rowdy clips of it show up on "Worlds Dumbest."

The day after the BBQ, we traditionally take a caravan of people to Shady Maple Smorgasbord in East Earl, PA (Google it -- it's incredible!) We have room in the attic for a few overnight guests. Bring a sleeping bag. We've also had people pitch a tent in our back yard. Plenty of room for that, too.

Come celebrate my freedom from the Witnesses since 1980, and bring your friends! Who knows? Maybe some day the BBQ will get so big we'll have to rent out Yankee Stadium!

Rev. Frank Maitoza, August 7, 1937 - July 3, 2018

I first met Frank in 2006 in New York City. I liked him from the moment I met him. He had a way of making you feel amazing. During a group therapy session in 2007 in Chicago he was able to break down all of my emotional barriers, and help me through the pain of being disfellowshipped and shunned. Even though we hadn't seen each other in person since then, we still interacted online. I looked forward to his posts in various groups that we were members of. The world is truly missing a great person. Frank I'm reading your poem as this: Don't ever doubt your importance in this world. Be the person, who upon your death, the world realizes something is missing.

The eulogy from his son Joel Maitoza is below.

What can I possibly say about my Dad that everyone he came into contact with doesn’t already know? He was a beautiful, loving spirit with a kind heart who was compassionate and always available to help his fellow man. He had a smile and laugh that were infectious, a brilliant and educated mind that had no boundaries or limitations as he was always on a quest for knowledge, while constantly searching for the next adventure.

Frank was an exceptional father. He had the patience and soul of a saint, the wisdom of a professor, the philosophy of a Buddhist monk and a sense of well-being like no other human I’ve ever met to this day. During my entire life, I honestly can’t recall a time when I’ve ever seen him extremely mad or angry. When I was a little boy, anytime I would get upset and cry, he would squat down so he could be eye level with me and say in a calm, soothing, loving voice, “There’s no reason to cry…everything is going to be okay.” Just like he would talking to another adult. My father had a wonderful, slightly off-kilter sense of humor which he passed down to me. As a little boy, I was raised on a pretty strict diet of Benny Hill, The Carol Burnett show, I Love Lucy and The Three Stooges. At times, my wife Bella will look at me and say, “Where did you get that warped mind of yours”…it was Dad. He raised me to never judge people based on their race, size, gender, religion, color or disability. It was always about authenticity and integrity…to be true to ones self. At an early age, he taught me about drive, motivation, ambition and excellence. To strive to be the best version of myself I can possibly be and provided me with the tools for success. He empowered me to shoot for the stars, follow my dreams and to live life to the fullest. To ask the universe for help when I needed it. He would tell me…Do it today, because there are no guarantees there will be a tomorrow. These experiences and advice shaped me to be the person I am today. Yes Dad, I was listening.

I can’t even begin to tell you about all the amazing times we spent together over the years. He loved to explore and experience new things. Places, cultures, music, food, people…there was no limit. If there was something you’ve never experienced before and were skeptical about doing it he would say, “How do you know you don’t like it if you won’t try it at least once?” In some ways, it was a lot like having you’re very own, personal Anthony Bourdain by your side. Thanks to Dad, I was bitten by the travel bug at an early age as we traveled throughout Europe, Finland, Russia, the Caribbean, Canada, Mexico and all over the US on family vacations. Remember when you got lost in the subways of Moscow and jumped on the wrong train or when we stood in line outside for 2 hours in 30 below weather to see Lenin's tomb? How about taking in a show at the Moulin Rouge in Paris to see the dancing girls and sip champagne when I was under age or peacefully gliding down the canals of Venice in a Gondola while being serenaded, or grandma sneezing so hard that she almost fell off the edge into the Grand Canyon? Remember me getting chicken pox during our trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming or digging for clams together on the beach in Mexico and steaming them in our hotel room for dinner, attending the big Luau in Hawaii, going to the Rose Parade or all the trips to Vegas and laughs with the family over the holidays? These are just some of the beautiful memories that will be etched in my soul for eternity.

My Dad was all about research. He read hundreds of books over his lifetime. As he grew older, his passion to research our family’s history became a high priority. Constantly entering information on Ancestry.com and connecting with newly discovered long lost relatives as recently as last month.

Frank loved to dance, swim, hug, laugh, sing, eat good food, visit with his family and share stories. His motto about his time here on earth was “Just passing through…” Although he struggled with Neuropathy in his later years, he would always write at the end of his daily Facebook posts: Life is good and getting better! As we aged together, we would talk about life, it’s experiences, high points and low. Once I became a young adult, he shared with me a quote by Hunter S. Thompson that stuck in my brain throughout my lifetime. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
That you did Dad…that you did.

You taught me so many life lessons Dad. Please know that you were a stellar role model in raising me. I know when you are blessed with a child, an instruction manual is not included, but as far as I’m concerned you could have written and published it. I hope I made you proud.

I will conclude with a poem he shared with me just before he went into the hospital last month…

I love you so much Pop,
Your son,
Joel

If not for you, then there would be a place of emptiness in the heart of God. If not for you, all the good that you have done would still need doing. 
If not for you, the spark of your ideas would not have ignited a fire in others. If not for you, the key roles that you have played in life‘s drama would remain unfilled. 
If not for you, at least one person would not have awakened to his or her dreams. 
If not for you, your triumphs could not be examples to inspire others. 
If not for you, someone who needed love would not have received it. 
If not for you, life would have been shortened or never existed.
If not for you, the song of life would have missed a beat. 
If not for you, your gifts would remain ungiven. 
If not for you, another might have suffered in your place. 
If not for you, someone would have no path to follow. 
If not for you, there would be one less smile, one less laugh, and one less hug. 
If not for you, there would be less mystery. 
If not for you, an animal might be homeless and a garden left unplanted. 
If not for you, something would be missing.

You have always made a difference. Who you are is important every day. You are the face, the heart, and the soul of God.

The 5th Annual Midwest ApostaFest

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Saturday, August 4 at 10:00 aM
Pleasant View, Indiana

https://www.facebook.com/events/540550899663991/

The 5th Annual Midwest ApostaFest is upon us! I can’t believe it’s already been five years, but each one has been just as unique and enjoyable as the last! I can’t wait to welcome back old friends and meet new ones! 

Our style, as usual, is “pitch-in” picnic open-air (weather permitting). Brandy and I will be creating a food thread in the weeks leading up to the ApostaFest and welcome volunteers! We’ve had great success with this over the years and nobody has left hungry! 😊 

We may have a few light games set up, but as always it’s really the conversation that provides the true zest for the ApostaFest! So set your calendars for the first Saturday, August 4th and invite all your friends! This is an opportunity to network and connect with amazing and diverse people and each year always proves how much better life has been outside the Borganization! Everyone is invited! 😃

Jim's Annual 4th of July BBQ for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses

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Wednesday, July 4 at 1 :00 PM
Fritztown, Pennsylvania

https://www.facebook.com/groups/xjwbbq/

After taking a year off for health reasons, I'm resuming my annual 4th of July BBQ for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses. The BBQ is located approximately 70 miles northwest of Philadelphia. About a 3 hour drive from New York City and Washigton DC. The nearest airport is Harrisburg PA (MDT). If you need my address and/or phone number, please post something here or PM me and I'll get back to you. We may have a July 3rd evening pre-party. Not sure yet. Hope you can come. I really missed everyone last year!

-Jim

This American Life - Episode 624 - Kids in the Hall

Will McMillan found a home in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses when he was a teenager. Ultimately he was kicked out of the church. Disfellowshipped. But he can’t help himself. He still believes. Producer Neil Drumming, who was raised a Jehovah’s Witness, talks to Will. (20 minutes)

Listen to the podcast here

4th Annual Midwest ApostaFest

It's already that time again! Mark your calendars for August 5th, 2017! Brandy and I will host the 4th Annual Midwest ApostaFest in Pleasant View, Indiana and we look forward to meeting and reuniting with our wonderful Apostate Community again!

The 1st Annual ApostaFest is where Brandy and I met, at the 2nd Annual we were engaged, and on the 3rd Annual, August 6th 2016 we were married! Each year at the ApostaFest has been better than the last, and we hope that you can plan to attend! (Who knows, maybe you'll find the love of your life there like I did!) 

The Midwest ApostaFest is a great opportunity to meet and connect with your friends separated by hundreds of miles! We've had people travel from very far to attend, and hope you can join us this year! Where it is possible we will try to offer space to sleep at our house if you cannot otherwise afford lodging, because we want everyone to attend and feel welcome!

Everyone is invited, so please feel free to bring along and invite your friends and family... the ApostaFest is designed to be welcoming for everyone regardless of politics, religion, nationality, gender, sexuality, or whatever... we all left a cult and we can all proudly stand together! So please plan to come this year, won't you?

4th Annual Midwest ApostaFest this August 5th, 2017!

Are we Living in the Last Days?

“The World is so evil that it cannot grow any worse. A child 7 years old knows more about wickedness than old people did before. Fidelity and love exist no more. The signs in the Heavens cannot be misunderstood. There is blood, pain, suffering, devils and demons everywhere.” -Bishop Olaus Petri in 1550

Many religions have said we are living in the last days. Some have been saying it for over 450 years as evidenced by the quote above.

The website Cult 101 used freely available public data to discuss whey they believe that the world is no worse off than it was in 1914.

Check out their post Are we Living in the Last Days?

Did Jesus Exist?

Mythicist Milwaukee and Buzzed Belief are hosting a debate on the existence of a historical Jesus Christ. The debate speakers include Dr. Robert Price and Bart D. Ehrman

Dr. Price will make the case that Jesus is a mythological figure. Dr. Ehrman will make the case of a historical Jesus.

The debate will occur at Turner Hall in Milwaukee on October 21. Full details and tickets can be purchase at the link below. If you can not make it to Milwaukee you can purchase the live stream feed for $9.99.

Friday, October 21, 2016 - 6-9:10 pm
Did Jesus Exist?
Dr. Robert Price and Dr. Bart D. Ehrman